xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: May 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I am very sorry

Yesterday Hubs said "you're not going to be one of those angry bloggers, are you?" and last week he told me I haven't been very funny lately. So, I just wanted to apologize and explain to the three or four of you who read this blog. See, I've been sick for the last three weeks, I've had three different colds and whenever I start to feel better I get smacked down by another one, and it's really hard to be funny and un-angry when you're feeling like shit and wondering if you'll ever be healthy again. So, I promise to stop with the angry rants and try to be funnier from now on. Deal? Deal.


Friday, May 28, 2010

WTF did I just say?

You just have the laugh at the geniuses who decided it was okay for me to be a parent. Okay, I guess those geniuses would be the hubs and me, so, yeah, go ahead and laugh at us, because this is the conversation I just had with Child 2, who was frustrated that he's not doing well at a computer game he's playing:

Child 2: AWWWW, the robots keep cheating!

Me: I'm not sure that robots CAN cheat.

Child 2: Yes they are, they keep cheating!!

Me: Well, then, maybe YOU should cheat.

Huh? Did I just tell my child to cheat, as some sort of life lesson? Good thing he never listens to me.

Wow. I am speechless. Wait. No I'm not! I'm NEVER speechless!

Why don't people ever have the balls to sign their name?

Jake's fate: In the end, don't we all have special needs?
Friday, May 28, 2010
By Renee Georgi

Renee Georgi recently received an anonymous letter from "concerned parents" asking her to find an alternative classroom setting for her son Jake, who has autism, because he is a "distraction" to other children and requires "extra time" from teachers. Here is the letter and her reply:

Dear Ms. Georgi,

I am writing on behalf of a growing group of concerned parents at Hampton High. While we can understand and even sympathize with you wanting your son Jake in a "normal" learning environment, we feel that the extra time he demands, coupled with his distractions, is unfair to the rest of the children. With getting into a good college becoming more and more competitive, we feel that our children are not getting the education they need due to one child taking up an inordinate amount of time and causing distractions.

We feel it would be in the best interest of all the children if you would consider an alternative setting for Jake. In no way are we faulting you for wanting what you think is best for your child; we only wish that you consider the impact on the other children.

Thank you for your time and consideration with this important decision.

Dear Concerned Parents,

In your letter, you asked me to "consider an alternative setting" for my son. With all due respect, I think I'll pass and keep my son right where he is.

You see, my son and the many others like him have fought very, very hard to get where they are today. And the reason they are where they are today is because most of society sees the potential that children with special needs have when they are taught in the way that they learn.

Every year our son makes more and more strides and requires fewer supports in school, giving him a greater chance at becoming an independent, productive member of society who can interact with all types of people. In addition to academics, life skills and social skills, he has also been taught specifically how to work through various distractions in the classroom. Since your child seems to be struggling in this area, I recommend speaking with your child's teacher to learn strategies that work for both regular-education and special-education students.

Another recommendation I would like to make is for you to do an Internet search on the word "IDEA" (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). You see, according to the IDEA's Least Restrictive Environment or mainstreaming policy, school districts are required to educate students with disabilities in regular classrooms with their non-disabled peers, in the school they would attend if not disabled, to the maximum extent appropriate.

It is the law.

I think this might help you understand why schools like Hampton have co-taught classrooms. If you do a bit more research, I think you will also find that IDEA's positive impact has been across the board with both regular-education and special-education students. I firmly believe that the students who take the time to get to know their fellow classmates with special needs will likely end up being the successful leaders and role models in the world who have the skills to interact with all types of people.

Over the years I have had many parents approach me and tell me how much their children have enjoyed getting to know my son and how much the relationship has enriched their children's experiences at school. Parents tell me that the things my son teaches their children simply can not be taught in a text book or by a teacher.

They are life lessons.

I attribute this positive mindset on the part of these children to both the guidance they receive at home and to the district's teaching of a civic virtues program to the students over the past several years. Perhaps the program should be made available to parents, as well, since it is apparent that the students are not the only ones who could use a good lesson in virtues such as kindness, respect and tolerance.

In closing, I ask that you address any of your concerns to your children's respective teachers in the future. Like many parents, I have found the staff at Hampton to be most engaging, helpful and willing to assist parents with individual educational concerns such as yours.

Sincerely ...

Renee Georgi is a pre-school teacher and mother who lives in Hampton

Way to go Renee! I didn't see a single "fuck" or "go" or "yourself" in that response, which means you did a much better job than I possibly could have. Good thing nobody wrote me that letter, huh?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Quote of the Day

My friend Molly said this:

"I think it's interesting that all of these studies are coming out showing the 'ineffectiveness' of autism treatment just at the same time as insurance companies are being required to cover it."

Mind = blown

It was in reference to this study, which was published in the Lancet, so it MUST be true: Early treatment doesn't improve autism symptoms

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Sweet, sweet relief

It's over. Lost is over. It feels like this enormous burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm now free to fly like a bird. A crazy bird made out of black smoke that makes strange popping sounds and you can see faces in it when you look at it closely and then it kills you. Yeah, that kind of frickin bird.

Never again will I hear "come with me if you want to know the secrets of the Island," because I know, now, that I will never know the secrets of the Island. Or will I? Or maybe I already know the secrets of the Island but just don't realize it? Something about a vagina cave that glows a yellow light full of water which keeps evil contained, but only if you keep the cervical plug constantly in place? Or maybe it's about a wheel that makes you travel through time, but only if you push a button every 108 minutes and then cases of food and beer will magically fall from the sky? No, wait! I know! It's actually all about the dog. Vincent is the key that holds the whole thing together, constantly barking in the background (you just can't see him and it sounds like whispering but trust me, it's actually the dog).

And what about all those unanswered questions, anyway? What killed all those French people? Was it the Man in Black, silently corrupting them into killing themselves? And why am I the only person who cares that the Man in Black WAS ACTUALLY WEARING BLUE???? 

That shirt is fucking BLUE, people. IT'S BLUE. CHRIST!  And remember in the early season when Locke and Ben go into the shack where Jacob is supposed to be and you hear a voice say "Help me" ? Who said that, exactly, because it wasn't Jacob and it wasn't his blue clad brother. But, do we care? No, we don't care anymore, because the stupid thing is over and we can get on with our lives with the freedom that whatever questions we still have will never be answered by anybody other than Fan Fiction writers who don't know any more than the rest of us do.

I am now free to live the rest of my life with my head held high, never again being forced to spend the day cursing the writers under my breath because they cut to a goddamn commercial instead of telling us the secret of the Island and then never got back to it (whoops!). Never again will I be frustrated when an arrow comes flying out of nowhere and lands in the neck of the guy promising to take me to the cave which holds all the answers. So, my friends, go off ... go, and live your lives. Your burden of frustration and lack of closure has been permanently lifted. Sleep well with the knowledge that in the end, Jack, in his christ-like wisdom, martyred himself to save the Island and therefore the world but ended up boning Kate in heaven for eternity as his reward. Hurley got to drive around a giant yellow penis car, which is totally necessary in LA, you know, and bright yellow is actually a much better camouflage than you would think. Sayid and Shannon ended up together in eternity because they boned that one time after knowing each other for a week, but not Sayid and his wife, the woman he spent years searching the world for and who died in his arms in the street, because she wasn't on the Island so she doesn't get to go to the church. Locke gets to walk and Claire gets to be sane while Ben has to sit outside on the benches because he's a fucking asshole and deserves to be left out. All we need to know, really, is that it's over. It's finally, fucking over.

UPDATE: Holy fucking shit I knew it! Didn't I tell you?? I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

Monday, May 24, 2010

I'm irritated. Autism is irritating. Science is irritating.

Wakefield is in the news again, so I'm irritated. Again. I just wrote a long rant on somebody's blog who was taunting Wakefield, I don't even know where it was. I'm outta control!!

I just saw a headline that says "Gluten and Casein Free Diet Does Not Affect Children with Autism." This irritates me. Child 1 isn't affected by either gluten or casein, but how many of your kids are, you guys who have kids with autism? How often does your daily life prove this headline otherwise?

Whenever Child 1 eats yogurt, be it dairy or soy, he starts stimming like crazy and totally checks out for days. I think "WTF is going on? Things were going so well. Oh. Right. Yogurt." But if "science" were to take on the issue of autism and yogurt, they would unquestionably produce the headline "Yogurt Free Diet Does Not Affect Children With Autism" and yet, my daily life has proven otherwise.

Science has fucked us, the parents of kids with autism. One study after another that "proves" the exact opposite of what we live, and yet it just gives bloggers like the one whose blog I went off on earlier (that I can no longer find) this sense of fucking moral superiority because hey, look at these headlines! Wakefield lost his license! Me right, YOU WRONG. So, fuck you, science. Fuck you and your studies that prove nothing but make us look like idiots, unable to talk about our daily lives in the company of anybody who hasn't actually walked in our shoes. Fuck you and all the people who don't know what they're talking about but who judge the rest of us for just trying to get through the day.

And, in the meantime, until you can come up with some actual goddamn answers for us, my kid doesn't get any fucking yogurt, which sucks for him, because he LOVES yogurt.

UPDATE: Ok, this was actually pretty cathartic. Yay blogging!

Facebook: A minefield of Lost spoilers

I'm so fucking cranky today. It's because I've been sick for two weeks. But mostly because I can't go anywhere on the Internet without either seeing something having to do with the Lost finale, which I haven't seen yet goddammit! or, about how Andrew Wakefield has lost his medical license in Britain. But I'm supposed to be funny and snarky on this blog, so I'll keep my hate-filled, Wakefield-related diatribe to myself and instead complain to you fine folks about how much you SUCK.

Yes, that's right. YOU SUCK. Because if you watch the show you've already seen the finale and therefore you know what happens and are able to have an opinion about it and can talk about it. But me, not so much! No, I have to wait until tonight, after the kids are in bed, when hubs and I can watch it on Hulu, because last night we hadn't yet seen last Tuesday's ep, so we had to wait until the kids were in bed and then watch THAT on Hulu, and by the time we were done it was 11:15 and the fucking show was all over, but Hulu, and even abc.com doesn't post the fucking show until the next day which means we have to FUCKING WAIT.

Maybe one day doesn't seem like that much to you (the assholes who have seen it already, I mean) but, I'm really bad at waiting for information. If there's something out there in the world that I want to know, I WANT TO KNOW NOW. This applies to every aspect of my life, but today, in particular, I seem to be taunted by all the rest of the people in the world who have this information that I still have to wait for, and therefore I turn my attention to the subject of this post: Facebook.

Most of my Facebook friends are also online friends that I share other online locations with, and I've been discussing this stupid show with them for years now. I know their personalities and I know their general opinions on the subject, so when they post what seems to be a nonspoiler Lost finale related status update, to the average eye, they haven't given anything away. But since I know these people, I'm forced to read WAYYYY too fucking much into their seemingly innocuous posts.

For example, Joey says: "Wow, Lost." Wow? What do you mean "Wow?" See, Joey is one of those people who pays attention to all the details and is able to apply a good deal of insight into the ongoing plot lines (he's smart: i.e., he doesn't have kids). Despite the general fuckedupedness of the show, I don't think he's often surprised by anything that happens. But he was surprised last night? Why? What happened to surprise him? Something he wasn't expecting? What happened? WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Tina says "still peeved about Lost." STILL peeved? She was peeved before. In fact, I think she's been as pissed off about the whole thing as I have (she's the one who showed me this gloriousness)

So why is she "still" peeved? Did all her questions not get answered? Did something happen that makes her more unhappy than she was before? What happened? WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED???!?!?!?!?

And then there are all these people that are just fucking with me, and I'm forced to analyze what I know of their viewing habits to see if they're serious or not. Kat says "EVERYONE DIES!!!!" But she hasn't watched a minute of the damn thing. Marlowe says "OMG! It was awesome!!! Actually, no, it wasn't....Soooo saddddd.... Or maybe not... I didn't watch it!" Okay, that was funny, I'll let her slide. Aaron says "Darth Vader is Luke's father." Hee heee, that was funny, too.

I'll be less cranky tomorrow. Promise!

UPDATE: I hate (hated) this fucking show, I'm so glad it's over

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Parental stages of an autism diagnosis

From my friend Lillian; very very true. Here's to not drowning!

1. Hit by train (when dx established)- because as much as you suspect it, you still secretly hope that he is actually a deaf-mute
2. Hope springs because you read all that stuff about kids who recover
3. Work like a mule, hoping that you will change outcomes
4. Hit by train - take 2: no, he is not "one of those kids", he is not a recovery case, lifelong really means lifelong.
5. Acceptance and experimenting with philosophy-less focus on test scores and skills and more talk about love and happiness, God's plan, special moms and all that stuff- here is where you start to enjoy the "send to 10 special moms that you know" kind of mass e-mails etc.
6. Graceful recovery and scar management - it doesn't hurt any more, but it still sucks, shut up and just keep swimming.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Marriage Statistics

Did you know....

- Approximately 41% of first time marriages end in divorce? (Source)

- The first time marriages that end in divorce last, on average, 8 years? (Source)

- There have been a lot of numbers bandied about the internet about divorce rates for couples who have kids with autism. I've seen the number at 85% (but I've never found a source on that), but I've also seen that it doesn't make a difference (CNN). Either way, having a kid with autism is tough on a relationship.

- 10 years ago today hubs and I were married in the back seat of a limo at a drive-thru chapel in Las Vegas.

Happy Anniversary Hubs!! Here's to beating the odds!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Next Blog»

Have you ever clicked on that link up there on the top that says "Next Blog>>" and just kept going? You should really try it sometime, I've been at it for a while now. Here are some interesting things that I've learned from this experience:

1.  The Laytons had a baby!! Little Ali was born on March 31st. Mom was induced. Congratulations Laytons!!

2.  People name their kids Ardynn.

3.  There are more blogs written in languages that I don't understand than there are English ones

4.  Some bloggers are extremely talented at turning English into another language that I don't understand

5.  Not every blog on Blogger has that "Next Blog>>" button. That's annoying when you're playing this game

6.  Nobody can ever be as cool as this guy. Ever.  

7.  Some people really.... REALLY.... like their dogs.

8.  Black background/white letters: Why? WHY???????????

9.  Sometimes music will just start playing suddenly while you're sitting there trying to figure out if the blog is written in a language that you speak and it will scare the SHIT out of you.

10.  The Santos family went to Walgreens THREE times this week. I enjoyed looking at their pictures of Honey Nut Cheerios, deodorant and Kotex pads.

11.  There are a whole lot of mom bloggers out there. Yikes.

12.  I got to these pics and had to stop. The Island girls know why.

Out of the mouths of babes

Apparently I really need to get one of those books where you write down the awesome and adorable things your kids say. So far I've just been using my Facebook status updates, but now I have this blog. Yay! Now my kids' awesomeness will be Googleable!

Child 1: "Look, Mama, it's a car wash. That's where you wash your car so that it's not covered in bird poop anymore."

Awwwwww. So precious, isn't he?

Mixed nuts are racist

Peanuts are white people, and they need to make reparations to the almonds for what they've been doing to them for so many years. The cashew population is steadily increasing, though. I just feel bad for the macadamias and the brazils; it's like they're not even IN the jar. So sad.... :(

UPDATE: Brazil nuts taste like dirt.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

4 year old humor 4tw

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Banana who? (shouldn't it be "whom" ?)

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Banana who?

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Banana who?

Orange instead of banana.


This just in: "This is as stupid as kicking a ball in my face."

Can't really argue with that kind of logic.

This just in #2: "This game is as stupid as my brother riding in a wagon full of blood."

WTF is this kid talking about?

Monday, May 17, 2010

I have nothing to say

But I couldn't let a day go by without saying something, I know how you all have come to count on my daily musings of awesome.


But also I really wanted to post this picture from my blog idol, Allie Brosh because it's so freaking funny I can't stop laughing at it. (I had to download it and then re-upload it to get it to show up, I'm not stealing, I swear!!) I will never, ever, ever be as funny as her. Enjoy!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Fashion is stupid

The boys all went to the beach today (without me! Yeah!) and this morning as I'm packing up bags for the little ones I'm noticing that they could both use some pants. So, naturally, I just use that as an excuse to go to my Happy Place (Target). So, later on I'm at Target, wandering around the kid clothing section, but all they have there is shorts. No pants, except jeans, which isn't what I'm looking for. Why do they only have shorts there, in May? Because some schmo in the fashion world decided at one point that X month is when they start selling clothes for summer and Y month is when they start selling clothes for winter, and I am currently in the incorrect month to be needing pants.

This is stupid, and for more reasons than you would think. Okay, put aside for the moment the fact that this is Target we're talking about and I should be keeping my expectations at an appropriate level. Also put aside the fact that it's May, it's going to rain on Monday, today it's 55 degrees outside, and nobody needs shorts right now, because I get the general idea that seasons change and at some point you're going to need to purchase some shorts, so eventually they're going to need to put them on the racks even if it's raining today, but there are NO pants: anywhere. I could offer to whore myself out to some Target employee for a pair of size 5T pants for boys and I would simply not be able to get them. (And please don't ask me when was the last time I did laundry because, as far as you know, that is irrelevant to this discussion).

Okay, so we've put all of that aside, right? The stupidest part of this is that I live in a climate where it's only hot for about one month out of the year and if you live here, you just don't need this many fucking shorts! Didn't they even think of that when they were stocking the shelves? Unless you're one of those freak kids who wears shorts every day of the year regardless of the weather, if you live in the Bay Area you're going to need some fucking pants, even in the summer!!!! But the best part of all? THE BEST PART OF ALL??? That one month - the ONLY month -  when it's hot here, is September. And if you were going to need shorts in the one month where it's hot here, would you be able to buy them? No, of course not, because in September all you're going to be able to get at Target is FUCKING PANTS!!

Fashion. It's stupid.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Do I seem shinier to you?

You probably have noticed that I seem more shiny than usual, and that my level of awesomeness has increased from 2gb to 4gb. It's okay, though, I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday and in the meantime am following a strict regimen of baby powder and vodka. I appreciate your concern for my well being but I'll be fine. :) Also, I got a new computer. That probably explains the increased shininess, and I'll be sure to tell my doctor this when I see her next week.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

In a couple of days they're gonna take me away but the press let the story leak

Has anybody ever died of fatigue? I don't mean, like, I was so tired that I crashed my car into a wall and it exploded, I mean, like, being so fucking tired that they just fell down and died? Somebody needs to look into that for me.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It's too much pressure!!!!!

I'm constantly trying to think of things to type here now in order to keep all of my fans happy (Hi Mom! :) ) Okay, here's a quick Quote Of the Day:

Child 1, appearing in the kitchen this morning while I'm making coffee, totally buck naked: Mama, I want some cheerios

Me: Maybe you should put on some pants or something first

Child 1: No, Mama, I like me the way I am, just good.

Me: You're adorable (hands over cheerios)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Have you ever seen a cooler tower of 3oz paper cups stacked on a bathroom sink?

No, I don't think you have, and don't even try to pretend otherwise because I think you know that it would just embarrass us both.

UPDATE: I checked carefully for anything potentially embarrassing going on in the background of this picture and I think I'm good. Did I miss anything?

The Super Magic Cleaning Fairy came today!

So, you know how when you leave your house every day you look around and shudder and think to yourself "This place is a fucking pigsty, I hate it, it horrifies me, I just wish ONE TIME that the Super Magic Cleaning Fairy would come while I was gone." (Wait, what? You don't say that? It's just me? Really? Oh. Well. This is awkward.) Well, today I came home from work to find that the Super Magic Cleaning Fairy had come while I was gone!! The kitchen had been cleaned and the dishwasher was running and everything! It was AWESOME!! It was the Hubs, actually, he had cleaned the kitchen before he left for work. And I can't really say that he's a fairy, because even though he's got that magic wand and sometimes wears a tutu and flutters around the house sprinkling fairy dust on stuff, I think he might actually object to my use of that word because of its lack of manliness. But THANKS HUBS!! < 3

Blogging is a very lonely activity

Look at me, all alone here. I'm the only one following me! It seems like it would take a massive ego to continue to post crap about yourself knowing that nobody is really reading what you're saying. You're just talking to yourself so you have to hope that you're good enough company for yourself. I'm not sure I can do it. I guess it would help if I actually told some more people about this place.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Why snark is like bacon

.... there's always plenty to go around

.... it's good for breakfast!

.... it's really salty and will eventually kill you

Captain Obvious

I'm upstairs folding laundry and from downstairs I hear the unmistakable sound of a vacuum running. There's only one person in this house who would produce such a sound.

"CHILD 2!" I yell. (not his REAL name. Or is it?)




Was I expecting a different answer, perhaps?

I don't know what I'm doing

However, whenever I say "I don't know what I'm doing" when I'm cooking something, it always turns out awesome, so let's try this, too.